Glasses up, WE’RE ENGAGED! My partner and I just closed out the year as fiancés! And the coolest part about it is that we were both anticipating and planning to propose on the same trip! I know, whadda… trip! For those of you who donʻt know me, I am Kami and I am one of the wedding assistants for TGA. I wanted to share some of my thoughts as I go through the entire wedding planning process and take you along with me through it all. As someone who is newer to the wedding industry and is also navigating this as a queer person, I hope that you find this series helpful if you are in the same boat.
Okay so, here we are two months’ post-proposal and we’ve already been asked, “So when is this happening?” and “Where is it going to be?” These questions are normal and expected, which creates excitement, but also stirs up a certain level of anxiety. My partner and I found that there was a shift in our relationship since being engaged, which was beautiful, yet the “realness” of it has created some fear. Here are some of our thoughts and maybe you can resonate with this too.
#1: Where do we begin? I’ve spent many late-night hours pinning wedding ideas, color schemes, dresses, themes, hair styles, you name it, to my “I DO” Pinterest board. Yet, actually getting started and from where you should start can be difficult. Even as a wedding planning assistant, this process is tough when you are doing it alone. The thought of the million tasks that need to be thought out when planning a wedding is overwhelming. The thought of planning an unorganized wedding is even more daunting. Maybe you are like me wondering, do we start with picking out a venue or finding our dream dress or tux? After talking with a few married friends, they’ve all started their planning in different areas. Whatever it may be, any start is a good start. Perhaps beginning where you feel more comfortable is the route that your planning will thrive in, carrying more excitement than stress as you check off each part of the wedding planning process.
#2: “B*t*h better have my money” As like many couples who are engaged or who are in the process of planning their wedding, the money factor plays a huge role in creating the “wedding of your dreams”. To be completely honest, my partner and I have no idea where to begin when it comes to budgeting for our wedding. We have no number in mind as far as costs, what payment method we’ll be using to pay for it and how long it will take for us to save individually. Hence, why we are giving ourselves at least a couple of years to figure that out. With that shift I mentioned earlier, brings a distinct sense of urgency. Even if we see ourselves first enjoying our engagement for a couple of years, we are both saturating our brains with ideas that’ll create a money flow that will hopefully come sooner than later. If in the event we’re like, “You know what, screw it let’s get married in December”, we’d then have the money available to do so.
So, here’s to side gigs, part-time jobs and selling whatever we can to make a few extra bucks. Hell, every dollar counts. We have a wedding to plan!
#3: “It’s my prerogative” Another fear that came up for me when thinking about our wedding day, is explaining to family members or friends as to why certain people were invited while others weren’t. And I feel like my partner and I can agree on this one. The thought of having to explain ourselves on who we choose to invite or not invite causes us to stress out a little bit. Do we use the excuse of the fact that we are in a pandemic and must limit the number of attendees? Do we simply say this will be a “small” or intimate wedding? Do we keep it to family only? But then we’d have to think about the 30+ aunties, uncles, parent’s friends, cousin’s, sister’s best friend’s girlfriend and baby? I’m not sure we have the heart to exclude any extensive family members without feeling a little guilty.
After having conversations with my fiancé and with some of our friends, we were reminded that we don’t need to explain ourselves to anyone. That it is our day and we don’t owe anyone an explanation for this or that. So, let’s make the list we want to make and include all those who have loved and supported us during our journey.
Planning a wedding is no joke. Sheesh, planning a dinner with some friends is just as tough. But take a deep breath, pour yourself another glass, and take it one task at a time. Remember, this is YOUR season to celebrate you and your (brand-spankin’ new) fiancé’s love!
And honestly, if you are in need of planning help you know where to find us. We do full coordination to day of coordination. Whatever you need, we are here to help!
Cheers Queers!